How the roast works

The five judges

• The Seed VC: Proof, a wedge, and a reason this wins big.
• The Skeptical Customer: My problem, in my words, with a price.
• The CTO: A narrow scope and a mechanism that works.
• Your Competitor: Something they can't clone by Friday.
• The Growth Lead: A findable buyer and a real channel.

Each judge starts at 5. Signals they care about add points; problems they care about subtract points. Penalties stack with diminishing weight (1, 0.7, 0.5, 0.35…), so ten small problems don't count ten times. Scores are rounded and kept between 1 and 10. Each judge's line is about the problem that cost them the most.

What earns points

Specific customer

A buyer you can find in one search (dentists, Shopify merchants, landlords) or a named pilot. "Everyone", "people", "businesses", and "Gen Z" don't count.

Pain or payoff

Words like lose, waste, manual, no-shows, fees, slow, or the payoff: save, cut, faster. Extra credit when the same sentence has a number.

Numbers and traction

Any real number helps. Paying customers, revenue, pre-orders, and "N customers pay $X" count as revenue-grade proof. Users, pilots, LOIs, and waitlists count as early proof. Later stages are judged harder when proof is missing.

Wedge

Where you start: one city, one niche, one workflow ("starting with", "in Ohio", "focused on").

Distribution

A channel you control: a partner, an association, a marketplace listing, SEO, a community, a newsletter. "Word of mouth" and "viral" alone are treated as hope.

Edge

Why you can't be copied: data, network effects, exclusivity, integrations, or a clear comparison ("10x faster than", "instead of").

Mechanism

What the user touches: an app, SMS, an integration, a plugin, a dashboard, or a concrete action (drafts, predicts, schedules).

Price

Who pays and how much ("$199/month per clinic", "per seat", "commission").

Why now and founder fit

A recent change that makes it possible, and why you're the one to build it.

What costs points

"X for Y"

Uber for, Airbnb for, Cursor for, Tinder meets LinkedIn... It tells judges what you copied, not what you do. Your competitor loves it.

Blockchain without a reason

Blockchain, web3, NFT, tokens, decentralized. Heavy CTO penalty. Softened when the category is crypto.

Buzzwords

Revolutionary, seamless, AI-powered, platform, ecosystem, unlock, empower, all-in-one, and about 60 more. Each one costs more, up to four.

Too broad

All-in-one, end-to-end, everything, super app, for all industries.

AI hand-waving

Mentions AI but no mechanism and no numbers.

Hedging and shouting

Hopefully, maybe, we plan to; ALL CAPS and stacked exclamation points.

Length

Under 8 words is too short to judge. Over 5 sentences or 90 words is too long.

Verdict and the one change

• FUND IT (42+ of 50): Take the meeting. Annoyingly fundable.
• SHARPEN IT (34+ of 50): Close. One change away from a real meeting.
• REWRITE IT (25+ of 50): A coffee chat, not a term sheet.
• ROASTED (15+ of 50): Well done. Not in the good way.
• BURNT TO A CRISP (0+ of 50): Start over from the customer's pain.

The one change is the fix that raises the total the most when applied on its own, with ties going to the heaviest penalty. When nothing is wrong, it suggests the missing strength worth the most.

Example: a pitch that scores 49/50, and one that doesn't.